i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
