Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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