Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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