If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
