Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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