today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
