my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
