what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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