A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
