what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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