Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
