I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
