Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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