so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
