So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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