Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
