P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
