By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
