Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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