in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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