just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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