id be glad to
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
