dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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