And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
