I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
