maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
