Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
