i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
