Sry I called you an 8
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
