go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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