i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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