I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
