Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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