Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
