Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
