Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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