his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize