My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
