Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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