The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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