Betty ford says i'm here all night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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