you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
