I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
