Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
