I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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