This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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