He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
