do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
