I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
