Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
