another moral hangover. fuck.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I understand Curling. That high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
