Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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