the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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