Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
