haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
