you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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