there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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