a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
