i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
