Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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