I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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