the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
