Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
