Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
