Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
