There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
