I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
