I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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