i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
