my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
